Thursday, April 21, 2011

Smoke Signals Rough Draft

Forgiveness is a very powerful and relieving feeling.  When you feel you have been abused and abandoned you will carry around a lot of anger and hostility towards life.  Talking it out plays a huge role in healing.  Healing is the only way to achieve happiness.  A young child can only take the blame for his father leaving the home and not ever returning.  In turn, he carries around a lot of pain, hostility and anger.  His feelings are taken out on another child that lives on the Indian reservation. When the child can forgive his father, he then can become a better person and treat others around him with dignity and respect.  Another child taking abuse from the child that was abused continually forgives his friend that he truly admires.  No matter how bad he is treated, he will do anything to be his friend.
Victor’s father would hit him when he was drunk.  He was very abusive to him and his mother.  Both of his parents would argue all the time.  The movie “Smoke Signal” shows Victor’s father, Arnold hugging Victor and leaving, never to see his father again.  Victor may have felt as if it was his fault that his dad left.  Victor carried a lot of anger around with him.  A boy left without his father is very hard on a young child.  He then in turn took all his frustration, hatred and anger out on Thomas.  Thomas lost both of his parents due to a fire and looked at Victor for friendship no matter how horrible Victor treated him.
Victor allowed Thomas to go with him to get his father’s ashes.  When they showed up at his father’s house, a friend named Suzie approached them with Arnold’s ashes in hand.  At this point, Victor was able to talk about his hurt and frustration of his father’s actions.  He felt comfortable talking with her about how hurtful it was to have lived without his father.  Suzie reassured Victor that his father talked and thought about him every day.  This is when Victor felt a sense of relief and compassion for his father.  I believe this made Victor realize it wasn’t his fault and that his father loved him very much.  I can’t imagine the sense of relief he felt after all these years of holding all that in.
When Victor and Thomas are younger, Victor beats Thomas up for no reason.  Victor has a lot of built of anger from his dad beating him and leaving him and his mom.  I believe all the built up anger that Victor had, he took it out on Thomas.  Thomas always looked up to Victor and wanted so badly to be his friend.  I believe Victor separated himself from the world.  Thomas tried so hard to become Victor’s friend.  The movie shows how they are riding bikes and hanging out together as kids on the Indian Reservation.  Thomas says something that sets Victor off.  Victor starts beating up Thomas and if it hadn’t been broken up by an adult, it could have been very bad.  Thomas forgave Victor and decided to go on a road trip with Victor to obtain his father’s ashes.  Thomas put all those mean things Victor said behind him and insisted on traveling with him to get his father. Victor continually put Thomas down about how he didn’t dress like a real Indian.  Eventually, Thomas went and bought some clothes that were Indian suitable (up to Thomas’s) standards.  Thomas told all sorts of stories that people couldn’t understand usually and Victor would tell him nobody cares and nobody is listening.  Victor asks Thomas “why do you tell such stupid stories that nobody understands?” Victor acted mean throughout most of the movie to Thomas.  I believe he took all his anger he felt for his father out on Thomas. 
The power of forgiveness is a beautiful thing.  It’s a very strong sense of relief.  It can be a difficult thing to achieve but in life you must forgive to become a better and stronger person.  We all make mistakes in life but it’s also a learning experience.  This movie “Smoke Signals” had a lot of scenes where forgiveness was a key factor.  Carrying around all that anger makes you a miserable person and when you can accomplish forgiveness you are a much happier person and treat people a lot better than when you are angry and miserable.

8 comments:

  1. hello!
    I found the first paragraph extremely confusing, I believe you should focus more on making an introduction about forgiveness and leaving the "how it takes place in the story" for your second paragraph. the body paragraphs should support your thesis, therefore, I would strongly recommend talking more about forgiveness and the role it plays in the story. you did a really good job on your conclusion :)
    work more on developing your ideas this is a great start for an essay !
    good luck,
    Natalia

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  2. Hello,

    I found it difficult to find a thesis statement in your introduction. I was kind of all over the place. I think you just need to come up with a good thesis statement regarding forgiveness and focus on that statement throughout the body along with the great evidence from the story that you have already. Great critical thinking, just think you need more focus. Good work.

    Thanks for sharing,

    Mandy

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  3. Hi Dina -

    I felt like your body paragraphs, conclusion, and introduction were strong in your essay. I would suggest instead of using the "child" or "children" in your introduction you use Victor and Thomas in your examples.

    I believe your statement, "When the child (Victor) can forgive his father, he then can become a better person and treat others around him with dignity and respect" is your thesis. I would just change it to read Victor can forgive his father.

    Maybe you can add a statement to your thesis that illustrates the experiences Victor had to go through in order to have the strength to forgive his father. The body paragraphs would support your thesis because you have provided excellent evidence on Victor's behavior prior to him forgiving his father.

    Great job!
    Thank you,

    Sarah Baker

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  4. Dina Dodd Peer Review

    1. What is the writer’s thesis?
    How powerful and relieving forgiveness is after major hurt and hostility in life. Respect and healing is achieving happiness.
    A. Can you find the statement?
    “Forgiveness is a very powerful and relieving feeling, Healing is the only way to achieve happiness.”
    Is it the main point the rest of the essay works to develop?
    Yes, well put together in developing the support for her thesis statement and concluding how forgiveness was a key factor of this story.
    2. What evidence is cited to prove and support the writer’s thesis?
    How talking things out is part of healing and forgiveness, How Thomas wanted to be Victor’s friend at any cost to him. Victor’s father’s abuse and how he had to forgive his father for it. Also how Victor beat on Thomas in their younger years. Lastly, she states the strong sense of relief and power of forgiveness.
    3. What pieces of evidence are cited from the readings and/or the writer’s observations to support the thesis?
    “Forgiveness is a very powerful and relieving feeling.”
    “Victor’s father would hit him when he was drunk. He was very abusive to him and his mother.”
    “A boy left without his father is very hard on a young child. He then in turn took all his frustration, hatred and anger out on Thomas. Thomas lost both of his parents due to a fire and looked at Victor for friendship no matter how horrible Victor treated him.”
    “When Victor and Thomas are younger, Victor beats Thomas up for no reason. “
    “The power of forgiveness is a beautiful thing. It’s a very strong sense of relief. It can be a difficult thing to achieve but in life you must forgive to become a better and stronger person. “
    “This movie “Smoke Signals” had a lot of scenes where forgiveness was a key factor. “
    4. Is the writer’s reasoning/critical thinking provided to explain how the evidence proves and supports the thesis?
    Yes, she stated very clear concise reasons to support her thesis, giving enough explanation to really explain what her point was in forgiveness and the relationship the movie had to it.
    5. What else could the writer cite as evidence in this essay?
    Possibly her experiences with forgiveness to make her point more personal rather than general, but she did a great job at acknowledging the points of the story that pertained to what he was trying to deliver to her audience.
    6. What’s strong about the essay?
    The comparison of a person’s difficulty to find forgiveness in life and how she related it to the different parts of the story that also showed difficulty with forgiveness.
    7. What other suggestions or feedback do you want to provide the writer?
    Thank you for the reading…well done, I may have only included some personal experiences you have had with relationship to forgiveness and the similarity to the story that those may have had.

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  5. Your thesis is not all that clear but your main point is strongly stated many times in your essay. You have great examples from the movie and story. Because you have some many examples it sometime feels like you are retelling the movie, which is a problem I have too. Your conclusion is really strong and sums up your thesis nicely. My suggest is to use forgiveness more in your body paragraphs and less "anger" and "built up anger".

    Good Luck

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  6. I really enjoyed your essay because I thought that you separated yourself form a lot of the same types of essays. I agree with you that I believe victor blamed himself for the way his dad acted and treated his family. I really liked your thesis "How powerful and relieving forgiveness is after major hurt and hostility in life. Respect and healing is achieving happiness." It gave a clear understanding of what your essay was going to be about and I really liked that. One other piece of advice I can suggest is that is in some of your paper instead of telling your own story you seem to just be summarizing "Smoke Signals" like in paragraph three. Maybe you could put some of your own experiences into the mix. Thank you for your insights.
    Jarrod

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  7. Hi,

    I felt that you should reconsider your thesis. Your first couple of sentences were fine, however there was way too much info right after that in which it should be a whole new paragraph in its own. Your first paragraph should focus on the main idea of your essay and should grasp the readers attention to continue reading more.

    I really liked that you gave a lot of examples to how the characters came to forgiveness, however you should possibly look into giving a little bit more critical thinking. How can you relate to the characters situations and how did you come to forgiving the person for their wrong doing.

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  8. I found it difficult in finding your thesis statement. I see that your talking about forgiveness but there isn't enough evidence to support the thesis. Maybe you can find a quote in the story or movie to provide signs of forgiveness. It seems as though its more about hardship than forgiveness.

    ReplyDelete