The White Lie
I agree with Ericsson's definition that a white lie can cause more damage than the truth. The article has an example of a family missing a loved one who is in the military. The sergeant tells the family that their loved one is missing rather than the truth that he has passed away. He does this to help the family receive benefits but doesn't realize the reprocutions. This family suffered many years of hoping their loved one would come home at some point. This is truely a tragidy due to a "white lie". This sergeant did what he thought was best for the family but what we think isn't always the best solution. Although, in a tragic situation such as this I wouldn't call this a white lie, it would be a lie. People tend to underestimate a "white lie". When it comes to death, you shouldn't be telling any kind of lies.
Although, it is my opinion that telling a white lie will cause more damage, there are times when it is not harmful but rather helpful. My opionion is that there is a time and place to tell a white lie. Sometimeses the truth can be more harmful than a white lie. I believe it depends on the situation such as the story in this article. Sometimes, we are having a bad day and you want to cheer up a friend, or maybe you are being asked if the person looks ok, or maybe your trying to protect your spouse in a situation that won't be detrimental to telling a white lie. It has to be something very simple though.
Hi Dina,
ReplyDeleteI like your addition that a white lie should truly be simple and insignificant (creating criteria to decide what's insignificant is up for debate). In the case of the sergeant, he didn't think the situation through. In his mind, it was better for the family to continue collecting money than to know the truth.
In effect, he forces the family to live a lie. They operated off the knowledge that he was missing in action, and surely made life decisions based on that knowledge.
I'm not sure anyone has the right to make this kind of life-changing decision for another or should have the power to decide what's best for someone else. I take responsibility for my children, but even then, I need to balance my duty as a parent with my children's budding independence. In this case, the sergeant took it upon himself to solely decide the family’s fate, and that's dangerous territory.
Perhaps, he needed to challenge the military's policy on death benefits, rather than try to get around the system.
People generally think of responses to “how do I look?” questions as white lies. The example of the sergeant forces us to consider the far-reaching consequences of our white lies, and not just the immediate consequences.
Thanks for giving me more to think about.
Take care,
Lauren
Hello Dina,
ReplyDeleteI agree that there are both good and bad examples of when someone lies. That is why I believe that someone one day decided to categorize them. There are lies that are damaging and can cause someone grief and pain, but there are also lies that may prevent grief and pain in certain situations. I appreciate that you brought out both sides.
Mandy Ericson
Hi Dina,
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with you on the fact that some white lies can cause more damage than good. Especially in regards to the example of the family who loved one was thought to only be missing and come to find out that he had passed away a long time ago. Really who cares about the money at that point I’m sure all his parents and loved ones cared about was know that he was either dead or alive. I can’t imagine the thoughts that must have went through their head. I agree this was truly a tragedy. Then there comes the kind of white lie that your husband might tell you, “Like sure honey you don’t look fat in those pants” or what about when your daughter comes up to you and says mom am I as beautiful as the model on that magazine or should I lose more weight. These are the kind of white lies I’m ok with. I guess it really depends on where your heart is, and what your motivation is. So all in all I believe each person will have to make a choice and I hope that each person weight it out before just telling that white lie.
I totally agree that white lies can have more damage than good. I have had a friend who went through the same situation that was presented in this article about the military. Her family was told that her father was missing in action. That was 15 years ago. The military just finally said told her family that their were remains that had been identified as her father and that they didn't know why they had not been told. It is sad that her father passed away, but now my friend and her family have closer and can finally have a funeral for him.
ReplyDeleteWhite lies of course we think they start harmlessly enough!! But think about the times you have seen someone lie to someone else even the smallest and the feeling of not trusting them as much as you did prior or at least this is my reaction. Bad lies and good lies kinda fit the white lie category...seems like these distort and so often you see people get caught up in their lies they forget whats around them and you have to keep track of what you said to who ...because I think white lies are so randomly used we tend not to even remember what we said and who to...thanks for the reading
ReplyDeleteDaye
Hello, I also believe a white lie, can be more harmful.. It shouldn't be called a white lie if the lie is such a huge and effective one. I KNOW telling a lie to someone to protect will evnutually hurt them in the end. The truth will come out and they will be hurt 10 times as much.. The fact that they'll been lied to and the other is that lie that what told.. gave them more pain and lost of trust in that person.. I like the way you describe a white lie and a lie with such examples to back it up.. I enjoyed reading your entry! Great work!
ReplyDeleteThank You, Lesley